Part of The Process, Not The Solution: 10-7-11

Epilogue: Last evening at 9:15 I called my daughter’s cell phone to find out how her SPHERE rehearsal went, and if she felt O.K. about being there. As there was no answer, I called the CRS (Continuous Support Services) apartment phone line, knowing the staff person likely would answer. And she did. Her first words were: “She did great.” Apparently when our daughter walked into the church where the rehearsals take place, the other young lady walked over to her at which point our daughter said to her, “I forgive you.” Then they embraced. According to Jane, the CRS staff person, this interaction set off a chain reaction leading to all SPHERE members engaging in a big “group hug.” I could hear the emotion in Jane’s voice as she said, “I am so proud of your daughter.” Me too!

A Role Clarified and Familiar: Even later last evening I had a chat with my webmaster/blogger guy, who had spent two hours trying to figure out why Feedburner blew sending out the 10/05/11 subscriber email on 10/05/11. We concluded it was the passing of Steve Jobs on that day that tilted the axis of the universe, especially the tech universe, and “fingers crossed” it won’t happen again. And then I told him the story I just told you. He has a seven-year old adored daughter and identifies deeply with much of my journey on many levels. So as we spliced apart the variables of the last couple days surrounding my role in my daughter’s latest emotional dilemma, I said, “You know what, I was part of the process, just not the solution.” And it dawned on me now that this is my role going forward. It has always been my role as a psychotherapist¬†and my role with our dear adult son. But with an adult special needs daughter, I had been stuck, thinking, I have to produce the solutions for any dilemma. Nope, I don’t. Though often I may need to be a component of the process…the talking, the squawking, the ranting, the weeping, but the resolution is our daughter’s job. Whew!

Daughter, Take The Lead: That feels good. I respect our daughter’s gut, her emotional intelligence and her unassailable true-to-self approach to life. Steve Jobs knew. Our daughter knows it. Trust your gut and your heart. I know that too…so honor it Mom and let her take the lead. Just stay close enough to the process so when the call comes, you are there.

Thank you blogger guy. You are always there for me. Even if Feedburner is not.

©Jill Edelman, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. 2011

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